warning: the following content (save for the object of discussion) is purely fictitious.
on tuesday, an unnamed source notified the fcukcouture times of a possible blockheaded profile on friendster. this reporter was sent to investigate the outrage that was claimed to have burnt many a retina and raped even more minds.
(url cannot be provided here, please ask me personally for the link)
after confirming that this was indeed a highly doltish profile and an onslaught of meaningless vocabulary to be reckoned with, your reporter took it to the streets to see how the nation would react.
said behind the silk curtain, 16, "OH MY MOTHER IS THAT HER FACE OR IS THAT A POSSUM" regarding the physical appearance of said horror. "she just wants to act like her english is damn good but actually she has no idea what she's saying."
while others merely yelped in fright or flinched before scuttling away, juan, 16, agreed, "looks a bit like she picked up those simple words, used a thesaurus, then changed them" before admitting, "most of it......makes no sense...."
"it's so stupid it almost looks as if she's doin it on purpose" quipped lester, 17.
the government, in a bid to improve the standard of english in singapore, had called for singaporeans to enhance and better their usage of the language.
the downside of the plea has manifested. more singteens have turned to simply using a thesaurus to replace the odd word in their sentences with a seemingly more profound one, resulting in incomprehension due to grammatical inconsistency. in a simple but effective example, instead of "i need to go to the bathroom", "yours truly requires to depart to ablution".
added behind the silk curtain,"what could provide more comic relief than that? i spit in contempt." |