okay scrap that shit about appreciating lower life forms i didn't really mean it anyway. aiight about this next person, let's just call her "yati" (yes, you will assume that it is a "she") and for this entry i will adopt the very popular motherly approach :D that'll be fun.
oh dear, dear. where do i begin? yati darling, i guess you haven't heard about the 3 rules to be a bitch. well i, your kind, compassionate elder will very gently inform you the criterion you must have, because you deserve to know, honey. you deserve to know. don't let anyone convince you otherwise. it's such a shame you're going around making a bloody fool of yourself and really, i mean well. i cannot bear to see you in such complete oblivion, so let's get started.
(i) looks
that's right. looks is as crucial as grades are to a highbrow. you see, with looks, people might just look past your faults and see the wholesome girl that you are.
(ii) money
i'm quite sure you don't need me to elaborate on this because it's a "duh" thing. you understand, honey. don't sulk like that, it makes you look uglier than you already are. and sit up straight now 'cause here comes the third.
(iii) intelligence
yes, i know there are bimbos who are bitchy. yes, i know they have a chronic lack of intelligence but my dear yati, please realise that without any wit, you'd be reading from the same script over and over when you bitch. and what's this i hear about you taking french lessons? you cannot even master the english language! i want you to concentrate on improving your english, young lady. and don't "BUT MOM!" me. it's for your own good. i only want the best for you.
so you see, possessing the above three is like a one way ticket to popularity - yes i know you really are trying to be popular please do not contradict me. thing is, sweetie, you don't even possess a single one of these qualities. now i hope you understand the message i am trying to put across to you. there now, i know you feel the shame of your actions and i'm glad you realise your foolishness. there's no need to weep, it's enough that you are willing to change for the better. come here. come here and give mommy a hug.
DON'T MESS WITH MY FRIENDS YOU WHORE. |